Bicycle repair man

One of Niharika's so-called friends broke her bike the other week. Playing roughly he somehow managed to snap one of the brake levers. That's boys for you. Since then, I'd been trying to get hold of a replacement lever without lot of success. Biycle repair shops locally either weren't interested or tried to flog me a lever which was completely the wrong size. In the end I went back to the shop where we got the bike from.

"Can you get me a replacement lever please?"
"Ah sir, but you will have to buy both levers."
"OK, not a problem, how soon can you get them?"
"Thursday."

Thursday came and went and "Monday" was the next answer. We couldn't make it on Monday but today I went in there expecting to be told that the shipment had sunk in the Arabian Sea or that there had been an unexpected run on those particular levers or that the manufacturer had been abducted by aliens. Old cynic that I am, I was wrong and there were two new levers tucked away in a draw for me; mine for two hundred rupees (which I have to say, seems way over-priced).

In the meantime, Niharika cycling blissfully unaware on one brake, the back wheel suddenly seized up completely whilst we were at the local park yesterday afternoon. I told Shilpi that I thought it was divine retribution as not more than five minutes before, Nihirika had been throwing a tantrum - and her arms - at a small boy who was trying to get on her bike. If it was, I'm glad the Almighty just decided to bugger her back wheel rather than send down a lightning bolt.

In any event, by this morning the bike fixing requirement had gone up from "replace right brake lever" to "replace right brake lever and rectify seized rear wheel." I could probably have coped with replacing the lever myself, even though I was never much of a dab hand with my own bike, but I baulked at the thought of investigating where the back wheel problem was.

The shop couldn't look at it until Tuesday and suggested a bicycle repair shop down the road. I stopped there but the owner wasn't interested and told me through a mouthful of half chewed tobacco that I should go on to Old Madras Road. This was just a little too far for me and so I decided to head back towards Cambridge Layout to Sahil's Bicycle Shop.

A little Muslim man appeared from nowhere, gave the bike a cursory glance and a couple of taps with a spanner and said to me, "a hundred rupees". Fair enough, I thought, and he set to work completely dismantling the back wheel, removing the spindle and all the old ball bearings which spilled out across the pavement. Then abruptly he stopped what he was doing, left everything where it was and marched across the road to where a roadside vendor was selling sugar cane juice. He drank one himself and then returned with three more: one for me and two for his colleagues in the shop. I thought at the time that I'd probably paid for those in any event and that local customers would have haggled the hundred rupees down to sixty or less. To be honest, I find all that haggling business too much and, unless the price is really steep, usually accept what the various vendors ask for. Shortly afterwards however, another customer did come up and there was a very heated exchange over twenty rupees before the customer accepted the original price that had been asked.

Niharika's bike was fixed in about fifteen minutes and I gave the chap Rs 120. I don't mind tipping for good service even if I had been over-charged in the first place, but in any event that's the equivalent of £1.50 in pounds sterling and an English bicycle repair man wouldn't even deign to pick his nose for that, let alone get out of bed.

Pictured above, Monty Python's original bicycle repair man (but I'll settle for the Indian version).

Giving the finger

OK, so it's not the "correct" finger, but it might just as well have been. Yesterday's turnout at the first phase of voting in Bangalore city’s 21 constituencies was 44 per cent: not bad by UK standards but well down on 2004 (55 per cent) and 1999 (67 per cent). It was better elsewhere, with rural areas reporting 64 per cent polling and cities 50 per cent.

Mind you, the politicians had done their darndest to get people into the polling stations. Sale of liquor, as is normal when there is an election, had been banned in Bangalore since Thursday. That didn't however, prevent the political parties from, how can I put this, "encouraging" voters with enticements of free alcohol. Stocks of sarees were also bought in as gifts for women voters.

It's all completely illegal of course and all completely accepted that the political parties will do whatever they can to get people to vote for them. At one end of the scale is the bribery with booze and clothing, and at the other end, threats and intimidation. As soon as politicians got wind of the impending elections, sales of alcohol shot through the roof. Figures for March this year reveal a 40 per cent increase overall and a 400 per cent increase in some districts. With those sorts of figures, it's hardly surprising that only 44 per cent in Bangalore actually made it to the polling booths. The rest were probably too pissed or hung-over to care.

I was out and about yesterday but it seemed pretty much like normal business in the city. The central area was packed, despite the alcohol ban, and I saw lines of people queuing up to cast their vote at a polling station on airport road. Those who successfully cast their vote have the index finger on their left hand marked with an indelible ink, as in the photo above which I have scanned from today's Bangalore Mirror. As for the various parties, the three major ones are all declaring that victory will be theirs; nothing new there.

I should however, correct one of the assertions I made in yesterday's post about the number of criminals up for election. Yesterday's vote in Karnataka was just for the 89 constituencies in the Cauvery belt; forthcoming phases will see the rest of the state go to the polls. This means that far from fielding less crooks than in 2004, the chances are that Karnataka may even exceed the previous figure. Still, at least the pubs have re-opened now.

Pity poor Karnataka

They do things differently in Karnataka. Budding politicians, it seems, should concentrate less on smiling inanely and kissing babies, and more on their ability to "unleash terror and secure funds for the party." That at least is one of the conclusions drawn by Karnataka Election Watch (KEW) an NGO which has conducted a survey to find out the criminal background of candidates.

Karnataka goes to the polls today and the people of this south Indian state have the opportunity to choose their next crooked parliament. No less than forty seven political candidates have criminal convictions which, as appalling as that might seem, is still well down on the ninety one criminals fielded in the 2004 elections.

Back then, no single party ended up with a large enough majority to form a government and so we had an uneasy alliance between first the JD(S) and Congress parties and latterly the JD(S) and BJP. That all fell apart when, in a remarkable about-turn, the JD(S) refused to hand over power to the BJP. Poor old BJP stalwart BS Yeddyurappa, (see previous posts), was Chief Minister for just a week, and ever since then, central government has been ruling the state.

But now there is opportunity for change and the people of Karnataka can choose their next criminals. Each of the three main parties mentioned above have 10 or more ex felons on their books, and overall the list of crimes ranges from murder or attempted murder (eight candidates) to criminal intimidation and death threats, assault, grievous hurt, use of dangerous weapons, theft, cheating and forgery. There may even be a convicted shoplifter or two in there.

As Professor Trilochan Sastry of KEW noted in Bangalore Mirror mid week, "the overall quality of candidates leaves much to be desired."

Nothing to cheer about

I half expected to read this morning that the Bangalore Royal Challengers had lost their latest IPL T20 match to the Kolkata Knight Riders. Sadly, I wasn't disappointed. Batting first on a rain affected day, and limited to 16 overs, Kolkata scored a modest 129 which nevertheless was still far too good for Bangalore.

I think I only stayed up to watch half a dozen overs of Bangalore's reply but Kolkata looked impressive in the field whereas the Challengers looked decidedly unconvincing. Looking at the two teams you could tell, even then, which one really wanted to win and which one was hoping not to lose.

Bangalore's cheerleaders seemed just as despondent. Boundaries from Arunkumar got the girls hurriedly off their bottoms, onto their feet and straight into another ra-ra and pom-poms routine, but they had an all too easy evening. Perhaps team owner Vijay Mallya might consider getting the girls padded up next time and sticking Dravid and his no-hopers on the dais; the ladies surely wouldn't do a worse job.

Bangalore played Kolkata in the opening match of the T20 tournament on 18th April. On that occasion (and on Bangalore's home turf) Kolkata scored 222 whilst the hosts could only manage 82 all out in 15.1 overs. They fared a little better this time. OK, so Dravid did more than double his score on this occasion (five runs yesterday, 2 on the 18th) and the team did manage to reach three figures. Unfortunately though, the scorecard shows that those three figures read 124: six runs short of a victory.

Vijay Mallya sacked the team manager earlier in the week but it all seems too little, too late. With eight matches played, Bangalore languish at the bottom of the league on four points. Six of the seven teams above them also have a game in hand.

But hey, there's always a silver lining, and the stunning Klohver Tynes, over here with her fellow Washington Redskins cheerleaders and pictured above, gets my vote for captaincy for the next match. Go Klohver, go (and lend Mr Dravid your mini skirt).

A letter from Yeddy

Karnataka goes to the polls this Saturday and I was most surprised to receive an e-mail from BJP candidate and former Karnataka Chief Minister for a week, B S Yeddyurappa (originally Yediyurappa with an I and one D; latterly Yedyurappa with no I and one D). Receiving an e-mail from a politician is definitely a first for me. Here's what Yeddy says:

Namaskar

At the outset, let me congratulate you the industrial pillars of the state for your achievement in putting Bangalore on the global industrial map. And that is not all. The chain of employment opportunities and wealth creation brought about by your entrepreneurial endeavours, and the economic and social implications of the same are food for thought for any statesman. It is the likes of you that a legislator has to look up to and partner with to formulate plans for the overall development of the state.

At this crucial juncture, I would like to bring to your notice a few proposals of mine, which also have now been christened ‘manifesto’, are in fact thought of to be incorporated in the budget eventually when, as is hoped, the BJP romps home to power.

Friends, our state is rich in natural and human resources. Our task is to harness these resources, put the state on the rapid development track, provide good quality of life to our people and take Karnataka to the top position in India. This is BJP’s vision. I have envisaged the plans to reach the fruits of I.T. to every village and Internet/electronic media to permeate the nook and corner of the state.

Bangalore has the potential to become No. 1 City in India and an internationally prominent metropolis. To make this possible, we need to adopt a new urban planning model, upgrade our infrastructure, improve the social facilities and create a better environment for good quality of life. In other words, we must re-invent Bangalore. Bangalore is under pressure to retain its ’Global City’ status. It is not enough to invite investors; the human resource talents must also be nurtured. Our intellectual capital is our strength.

In order to facilitate the industrialization ,the formulation of land acquisition policy to ensure right price to farmers’ lands and transparent acquisition procedures is being thought of .Considering regional advantages in the state, I am very enthusiastic about the promotion of special industrial zones for Steel, Cement, Food Processing, IT & BT.

I have Plans to rejuvenate small-scale industries. During our 20 months in government, the small industry’s subsidy dues have been fully disbursed. I have thought of a Master plan of setting up an appropriate authority to provide good quality road connectivity throughout the state. I understand that government alone can not offer panaecia for all practical problems hence I look forword to Involving non-governmental organizations in monitoring implementation of government programmes.

You personally have been guided by your dreams; hope you share mine. I shall look forward to your whole-hearted cooperation in making these cherished dreams in to a reality. Your visionary spirit, corporate leadership and penchant for professionalism if colleagued with my passion for the development of Karnataka state would work wonders in the long run.

In this context, I would request you all to support BJP candidates across the State of Karnataka. Absolute majority to BJP – Total development of Karnataka.

With warm regards

B S Yeddyurappa

I'll forgive him the nonsensical opening sentence and the complete disregard of basic grammar and syntax (after all, my Kannada is hopeless too), and also the fact that he pretty soon tires of addressing me as an individual and starts talking to me as a collective. I'll even let him get away with the white lie that, presumably just part and not all of the chain of employment opportunities and wealth creation in Bangalore has been brought about by my own entrepreneurial endeavours. They may have been I suppose, but I must have dropped off for a minute if that were the case.

Apart from the frequent spelling changes to his name, I don't know anything about the man. His party is a nationalist one that can occasionally get hot under the collar, but it has held central government office before and is probably no more or less corrupt than the next one.

Nevertheless, Yeddy has had the good grace to sit down and think how he should write to me, a foreigner, without a cat in hell's chance of ever voting in India, and even less inclination; and so I wish him good luck on May 10th and hope that whatever happens, the JD(S) party is roundly trounced and taught a sound lesson for messing us all about earlier. May the least corrupt man win.

Royal challenge falters

After all the hype, it has to be said that Bangalore's showing in the new Indian Premier League (IPL) Twenty 20 cricket tournament has been disappointing to say the least. They crashed and burned in the opening match, lost again last night and now languish at the foot of the table with one win out of five. Even the cheerleaders, flown in at great expense from Washington, have been told by scandalised ministers to cut out some of the amatazz from their razz and cover up a little. After all, as well as being silicon city, Bangalore is also the place where the pubs close at 11.15pm and dancing is banned.

But that's by the by and actually there's precious little to celebrate in Bangalore at the moment with one dismal showing following hot on the heels of another. Raul Dravid has been a woeful captain and a woeful player. In his interview the other night, The Challengers having snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, he looked like a beaten man. Well he was I suppose, well and truly beaten.

Still, it could be worse. At least we don't have cry-baby Sreesanth in our team. Not since the football World Cup Ronaldo-Rooney incident have two supposed team mates soured a relationship so badly. To be fair though, I would have slapped Sreesanth as well. I have a lot of respect for Harbhajan Singh and I'm sure Sreesanth over-stepped the mark with his intimidations. That was the reason Harbhajan slapped him. As for me, each time I see that photo of him grizzling on the pitch or inadvertently catch him in dancing like a monkey in that dreadful TV advert, I'd like to slap him all over again. I bet the sponsors are also kicking themselves - or him.

(Photo above published in Hindustan Times and everywhere - source PTI Photo).

By Royal appointment

It's heartwarming to think that as well as fighting off the Afghan hordes and feeding the British press with various public gaffes and faux pas, HRH Prince Harry can also fit in a bit of time for the old Empire. Here he is endorsing a gents' hairdressers in one of Bangalore's suburbs.