Membrane Separation Process

No, not the brain activity which occurs whenever I meet an Indian government official, rather the catchy little title of a new volume by Kaushik Nath. Membrane separation processes are largely rate-controlled separations which require analysis for complete understanding. Read that sentence again. Nope, me either, but that's what it says on the flyer.

So I know that Mr Nath has written this book because his publishers, Prentice Hall, have told me so; they've sent me a direct mail shot - my second piece of direct mail in as many days - and just in case the whole membrane separation is just going to be too messy for me, they've also advised me of another publication by Amiya K Jana. This one is called Chemical Process Modelling and Computer Simulation.

Now why I should be mailed details of two incredibly complex technical/scientific books is completely beyond me. This also, to the person who, nearly thirty years ago this summer, vowed never to read another science book in his life and completely gave up on Physics, a subject which he'd hated and which had been thrust upon him at school. Grade 4 CSE was what I achieved for my physics paper in the summer of 1979 and if there is anybody reading this who still remembers CSEs in British schools, they'll know what an apallingly low score that grade 4 was. It was a mark of some pride to me that I managed to get a grade 4, whilst a friend of mine who'd actually revised, achieved a grade two. I mean, you were awarded a grade four if you wrote your name on the examination paper; three if you spelt it correctly.

But I digress. What I mean to say is that Prentice Hall of India could probably not have targeted anybody less likely than me to buy either of these books, even though - in what I take to be a last desperate move to make Mr Nath's book sound appetising - the publisher says that "the book has a sufficient number of examples and exercises, thus making it student friendly." Hmm, nice try but I don't think so.

As I mentioned the other day, direct marketing, whilst not exactly in its infancy in India, still has a long, long way to go. Maybe they were just testing whether the address (largely spelt correctly) was a bona fide one; something that they would be able to adjudge correct or otherwise by the number of returned mailshots.

In any event, having received the mailshot, I dropped Prentice Hall a line. This is what I wrote:

Dear Sirs

As the completely non-technical and non scientific director of a technology company in Bangalore, I was fascinated to receive your direct mailshot advising me of the publication of Mr Nath’s latest work. Whilst I appreciate that the book is primarily aimed at undergraduates (because it says so on the flyer), I’m guessing that there must be some relevance to the work I’m currently doing or else you wouldn’t have mailed me, even though it’s been twenty three years since I graduated (and that in an Arts’ subject too).

I’m guessing that I probably need to go in at a slightly lower level – perhaps a little more membrane and a degree or two less separation – and certainly a book with lots of pictures; ideally some that I can colour in. Does it come with crayons?

You also sent me information on another book concerning chemical process modelling and computer simulation. I have a very similar title published last year called Chemical Process Muddling and Computer Stimulation, and I think your book probably re-works an old theme so I won’t be interested thanks. Nevertheless, do let me know about the Membrane Separation thingy.

Yours sincerely etc etc

Let's see if I get a response.

Originally published on Blogger on 23rd June 2008. I'm still waiting for a response.